Thankfully Andrew (my husband) and I don’t fight very often. When we do, it’s often over trivial things that aren’t even worth remembering or mentioning the next day. But the other day I realized (yet again) that I tend to hold a grudge against people. The worst part? The only person I end up hurting is myself. Even if someone has hurt me badly, I tend to treat them well – but I let the anger fester up inside of me. This causes me to stress out, worry more than needed, and just be overly anxious about my next interaction with that person.
Then Andrew made an interesting comment, “But you don’t hold a grudge against me, and I say and do plenty of things to upset you.”
And you know what, he’s absolutely right.
My husband is pretty great, but he’s not perfect. He sometimes upsets me. Occasionally he’ll say something hurtful that I know he doesn’t mean, but it still stings. And yet we are happy and in a committed marriage that I have no desire to end.
What gives? Why am I able to forgive him when I can’t forget or move past others comments and hurts?
That question was really starting to bother me when I realized it all about the deposits that are made.
You see, Andrew makes deposits in me each day. He helps with our son, tells me he loves me, does various chores around the house, and just generally shows me he loves me in at least some small way each day.
I can’t say this about everyone in my life.
Some people are overly negative – complaining about their home, finances, work, health, or just life in general. Rather than making deposits, these people are draining to me. They need constant attention and affirmation. I find it exhausting at times.
I used to avoid spending time with these people or cut them out of my life, but now I’m realizing that’s not always the best option. Plus, quite frankly, sometimes it’s simply impossible to do. So what’s a girl to do?
I’m going to start being extra positive and kind around these people. They obviously need more deposits made into their lives to realize their self worth than I do, so it’s up to me to help.
Will it be easy? No.
Will I always enjoy it? Absolutely not!
But I hope that I can make a small ripple that will flow out and cause lasting change on these people who tend to be overly negative and down. After all, my bucket is full. I’m fortunate enough to have many “depositers” in my life, but not everyone can say the same.
Will you be joining me? Please share in the comments below!