“Why would I ever want kids?”
I remember making that statement more than a few times in my 20s. I had a successful career as an elementary teacher, I loved my job, and I had already gotten my master’s degree to possibly become an administrator someday.
I worked with kids every day. Why did I need children of my own?
But – there’s also a little bit more to the story.
I don’t like the site of my own blood. (I get woozy and almost faint.) And I despise needles.
What in the world does this have to do with having kids?
When I was 25, I got blood clots. Once that whole ordeal was past, I found out that I would have to take blood-thinning injections throughout an entire pregnancy. Plus my chances of miscarriage were higher than the average woman’s. Neither of those sounded fun.
Plus – motherhood is a lot of work. I’ve seen that by being a teacher, watching my friends raise kids, and thinking back to my own mom.
So again – why would I ever want kids?! It’s easier to just keep the status-quo – doing a job I love and not stepping into the unknown world of scary pregnancy risks, potential heart-breaking miscarriage, and then the extremely hard task of raising children.
It’s easier to be a teacher. I know what is walking into my room each day. I’m good at it, and I love it! Watching students have that “a-ha!” moment when they get a new concept, seeing them excited to learn, and knowing I was shaping the future in some small way each day – all those things helped define who I was as a person.
Then everything changed…
I met this amazing man. We fell in love. He wanted kids. We had our share of fights about the topic. I even took him into the doctor with me so he fully understood the risks that I had. It was scary.
But – in the end – we had a child.
Do I regret it? HEAVENS NO!
I love our little man more than I ever thought possible. He has changed my world is so many great ways in just one year. I cannot imagine my life without him!
You’re probably thinking, “So, Heather, then why are you writing this?!”
Honestly, my reasons for not wanting to be a mom were pretty selfish.
I didn’t want to change. I didn’t want to go into a scary, unknown world. I like control. I had control of my classroom and what went on inside of it (for the most part). Having a child would change that control. I would have to figure out how to balance being a mom with being a teacher. And I tend to give things 100%. So how in the world would I be a teacher, mom, and wife?
I knew something would have to give. My family could not take a backseat to my career, but yet – was I really willing to give up a career I worked so hard for? I am certified to teach so many different things. I worked my butt off to get two masters degrees. I wasn’t sure I wanted to simply push those to the wayside…
Yet the minute I found out I was pregnant, I knew in my heart that I would only keep my school administrator job for only one year. I felt incredibly guilty. My intention was to keep that position for at least 2-3 years, maybe even five. Yet I stuck it out only one. I left to stay home with my son. It’s something I am fortunate enough to do every day, and I am loving every moment (or at least 95% of them!).
If you think you don’t want to be a mom, I can totally relate! However, please pray about it. Talk about it with your spouse. Talk it over with your loved ones. Having children may not be the right decision for you and your family, but it might be. Don’t put blinders on like I did and simply push the possibility of having children completely to the side. Keep an open mind and an open heart. You never know what life may bring you.
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