What changed? I said I never wanted this, but now I don’t know what I would do without it. Is it my age? Was it due to the fact that I didn’t know if I could survive multiple pulmonary embolism a second time?
To say that becoming a mom has been great would be an understatement. It has been absolutely life-changing. Yes, I gave up my teaching career to stay home with my son, which has been a definite switch – but it’s so much more than that.
I look into this little one’s eyes, and I feel nothing but pure love. Obviously I love my husband, but I grew to love him over time. I loved this little being who calls me mama before I had even met him. I remember the moment perfectly…
Andrew’s brother had just gotten married on Saturday. Sunday we made the long trip back to South Dakota. Monday he left to teach drivers’ education for the summer, and I came back home. Tuesday morning I took the pregnancy test. A few minutes later, with a definite plus sign showing – I started crying…
It took a moment, but then I asked myself – am I crying because I am upset (we weren’t planning this so soon!) or what? That’s when I started crying even harder – because I was overjoyed.
I’m not going to lie to you and say that I enjoyed every moment of pregnancy. Between the shots I had to do twice a day, the near-constant fatigue, the “almost” gestational diabetes, and my back hurting – it was not the best experience. (Did I mention I had a new administrative position at school too?! Stressful!)
But then I think about the people who have miscarriage after miscarriage, or those who can’t even get pregnant. Or what about those who have stillborn or a child born too early with a grim future ahead of them. To say that we were blessed with a “normal” pregnancy (albeit high risk) is something I am grateful for every single day!
Maybe that is why I am enjoying being a mother more than I ever thought possible. This little one, my sweet baby J, has been more of a blessing than anything I ever imagined! I’m a planner down to a T, but I could not have planned this in any way. It was His plan. And thank goodness, because He knows far more than I ever will!
Maybe I’m just in denial or some strange euphoric state. Or perhaps I’m still in the honeymoon phase. Regardless, I am loving every minute of the ride. I plan to enjoy it for as long as possible. They’re only little once, and we never know what the next day might bring.
So for today, I will cuddle my sweet baby boy and let him know how much I love him. And I will continue to thank God for allowing me to be a mom. If He hadn’t made that decision for me, who knows how long I would have put it off. And look at all I would have missed!